Recently, faced with a difficult choice, I decided I needed some help, so I made an appointment with a coach. I’d never gone to a coach before and I wondered if it would just be a waste of time. Turns out it was the best thing I could have done.
My coach didn’t tell me what to do. Mainly she just listened, asking a question here and there and sometimes offering a suggestion. The thing was, as I talked and she listened, I found all the pieces coming together and the answer to my dilemma slowly became clear. Just having someone listen to me helped me be able to listen to myself better, allowing me clarity to make the right choice.
I think sometimes the greatest gift you can give another person is just to listen to them for awhile. Don’t offer advice right off the bat, don’t interrupt, and definitely don’t judge. Just listen. Quiet your own soul, still the voice that wants to tell them what to do, and just be there for them. The time may come when they want your input, but for the moment what they really need is just to be heard.
Our natural tendency in these situations is to jump right in with what we think is the answer to their problem. In coaching this tendency is called the “Righting Reflex”. Our intentions are good, but our approach is all wrong. We care about them, so we want to fix them, but if we try to give them advice without hearing them out and learning the facts we often do more harm than good. This is why Solomon warned, “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.” (Proverbs 18:13 NIV).
The thing is, more often than not, they already know the answer to their problem. They just need someone to let them get it all out in the open so they can figure it out on their own.
So, the next time someone asks to speak to you, take the advice in James 1:19 and “be quick to listen, slow to speak”. In other words, shut up and listen! You’ll be giving them just what they need and, who knows, you just may learn something yourself!